You are not fine

Good morning gorgeous, thank you for joining me on this slowly thawing spring morning. Grab a mug of coffee or chai if ya nasty and let's catch up for a hot sec, shall we?

If you asked most of the women in my life how they are the answer would be “fine” or “great!”, not because that’s the honest truth, but because that answer makes people around them the most comfortable.

We’re really good at that shit; making other people comfortable. Even when they really shouldn’t be comfortable. Even when they’re being kinda terrible and deserve to sit in their discomfort. Instead of letting anyone feel even a little bit bad, we grit our teeth through our forced smiles. We were brought up to prioritize the comfort and ego of everyone in the room before our own, so that's what we do.

We add smiley faces to emails to our direct reports because we don’t want to come off as “bitchy” when we ask Karen to simply do her job.

We say sorry constantly, as though we’re not just apologizing for bumping into you, but for having the audacity to take up space at all.

We temper our language, making our assertions sound like questions, and our knowledge sound negotiable.

No, honey, this all is not fine.

Here’s the truth:

You don’t have to negotiate your knowledge. You are smart, and capable, and your contributions are worthy.
You don’t have to apologize for the space you take up in this world. You deserve to be here.
You don’t have to debate your experiences. You lived them, they are yours.
You don’t have to make him comfortable. You deserve to feel comfortable.
You don’t have to people please your way into a life you don’t love.

You, my dear, have nothing to be sorry for. It’s a word we need less of. Scan your emails for it, and delete it. Do something awful? Say sorry. Have an idea? Say you have an idea, don’t apologize for having a brain that works. This week we're scrubbing our apologies, and people pleasing our damn selves.