Go to the bathroom alone

I learned something magical in Sydney in 2016. I was there on a work trip for two weeks, and I only had one co-worker in the whole country.

I was also determined to see the city but I didn't know anyone, so I decided to run an experiment. For two weeks I would date myself. I would do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and would lean into the discomfort of doing it alone. To me, this was radical. We live in a culture that equates being alone with loneliness. As women, we’re socialized not even to go to the bathroom alone. We go in herds because relieving your bladder is a team sport. I assumed that if I ate alone my high school bully would appear in a cloud of smoke to remind me that I am in fact, a loser.

But I didn't have a choice, so I took myself out to dinner. And then to the Opera House to see Macbeth. And then to the Aquarium. It was scary and uncomfortable. Until it wasn't. And then, it was goddamned magical.

We can preach self-love from every rooftop, but what about self like? We're skipping an important step here friends! You know the drill, before you fall in love you kinda like someone, and then you get a crush. But with ourselves, we're expecting to be able to skip straight to the hardest part. Maybe we should try taking our fine asses out for a meal before we start throwing around the L-word.

Dating yourself is uncomfortable at the start, but aren't all first dates awkward as hell? Your instinct is to call a friend or text furiously (if I look like I have friends than I'm not alone, right?!). But doing that is missing the point— because you are the point. You deserve to give yourself a chance— because self-like opens so many doors.

Liking yourself means you don't need anyone else to fill the silence.
Liking yourself gives you the power to walk away from any relationship that doesn't serve you, because being alone isn't as scary when you like you.
Liking yourself means that you are enough.

So this week I want you to find some time to take your gorgeous self on a date. Might I recommend a nice French restaurant and then to that movie no one else wants to see? Lean into the discomfort. Keep your phone in your bag. Get to know yourself in the silence.

You may even develop a little crush. 😘