Have you found your happiness?

Good morning gorgeous, it's so lovely to see you this morning— I've missed you all week. You're looking fresh— do I detect a new eye cream? We have so much to catch up on, the world is a soggy compost bag and we'll get into it. Before we do, I want to chat quickly about happiness.

I was in Montreal for the weekend, and on Sunday I walked into a beautiful little store. The lovely salesperson asked me something in French I had to apologize for not understanding her question— so she tried again in English:

Have you found your happiness?

I paused, dumbstruck by the unexpected potency of that question. I realized that no one has ever asked me that before. I knew that she was trying to ask if I found clothing I liked, but her mispronunciation intrigued me more than any shift dress could.

Have you found your happiness?

I pondered her accidental question all weekend. On the train ride home I finally came to an answer (for myself, I wasn't going to storm back in there and confuse that nice French lady).

I decided that my answer would be a simple no.

No, because I don’t believe that happiness is a treasure chest hidden for us to find. No, because I don’t believe happiness is a destination that can be reached. No one can provide it for us, no partner or family member can make you happy. No job, achievement, promotion, or amount of money can unlock it either. We treat happiness like a mystery forest fairy, chasing her endlessly— thinking if we run fast enough maybe we'll get a glimpse of her light.

But that's just not how I've found happiness to work.

Happiness is a decision. No, it's more than that— it's an insistence. Something to be actively chosen, day after day after day. It's the practice of cultivating a life you love living in. The happiest people I know aren't happy because it's their natural predisposition— usually, it's the opposite. They're happy because they've decided to take their messy, imperfect, often fucked up life and work at it. They've decided to choose joy whenever they can.

Happiness is a decision we can make any time, but it's not a one time deal. We have to insist on it each day, and then back it up with consistent self-work and care. It's really hard stuff, but oh so beautiful.